Studio Woes

Well, I went by the studio. I shouldn't have. ::sigh:: The sign below is what greeted me. Ack.

Slippage

In time
all friendships slip away
into the haze, into the gray
for reasons I don't understand
all friends soon slip
right through my hands
Perhaps because I don't take care
to keep close watch
when they are there
I've never had the chance to ask
why friends all slip right through my grasp.
(1985)

Photo © Christer Rønning Austad

Ailments and Joys

Ah, it's nice to feel well. Nicer yet when you've been sick for awhile.

I always appreciate good health, but never more than when I have experienced a bout of illness for an extended length of time. I don't still feel tip-top, as with many extended periods of sickness I am left with a feeling of continual tiredness. A kind of noodle-limb-listlessness that doesn't seem in any hurry to vacate my body.

Hmmph.

Well, I'm not complaining, because at least the nausea has taken leave. I can live, for the moment at least, with tiredness.

Part of my icky feelings, I am sure, come from the predominance of pollen in the New Mexico air. Take a little drive north of the Albuquerque and you will view flowers blooming in abundance as far as the eye can see. Yellows, purples, reds, oranges, blues.... the mesas and meadows are exploding in color, and it is simply gorgeous. Not good for my sinuses, but worth the pain, if you ask me.

We drove up to Wagon Mound yesterday to finish the float for the parade, (Which is on Monday) and the drive was breath taking. I took the back route, through Stanley, Galisteo, and Eldorado. From there it is a simple drive up I-25 past Pecos and Las Vegas. I only needed an hour to work on the float, and then we had lunch with Betty, Clint, and Fritz before doing a little local exploring. (We saw the owls again... four of them... stunning. I tried to get photos but I wasn't willing to encroach too closely and there wasn't enough light from afar.) By the time we were ready to go it was only 2pm and we still made it to the house before 5:00.

I bought a steak and some mushrooms, a little bottle of wine and kicked back for the rest of the night to watch a couple of old movies with my house windows thrown open wide. The air in the evenings is a cool 45 degrees, and makes for a relaxing atmosphere.

It was a good day. A good night as well. Hopefully I'll make it out to the plains area in the next few days for some more photos, but here are a few until then, from yesterday . :)

Guilt Trips and other Useless Vacations

My friend and I were having a discussion on relationships the other day, and he asked me for advice.

I'm not huge on giving out my personal opinions to the lovelorn. I don't have a great track record, having had two divorces and a slew of seriously messed up shorts. But I seemed to have figured a few things out on this one, (smooches to you Brian!) and the querry my friend posed I couldn't help but respond to.

I can't tell you how we got there, but the subject at question was guilt, and the effectiveness of it in motivating a loved one to do what we want them to do for us.

I'll tell you right up front, here and now, I am not a fan of guilt. It has it's place, I'll grant you that. I've tendered more than a few apologies, and moved myself to great lengths to right wrongs I have done because of the niggling feelings I couldn't ignore.

But the truth is that guilt is most effective when I wield it against myself. When someone else brandishes it against me, I find that the overwhelming sense I have isn't remorse, but distaste and resentment.

Consider the programs on television which ask you to donate "pennies a day" to help unfortunate children. And the articles and newsclips that show suffering starving people in other parts of the world. If guilt was an effective tool, there would be an overwhelming response and poverty would be at an end, or at least visably assuaged. But what I notice is that the worse the image, the deeper emotional response, the quicker people seem to be to turn the channel.

I've noticed the same thing in relationships. Guilt doesn't always encourage the "guilty" party to change thier ways. They usually just change the channel. Enough guilt, or any other bad feeling, can be grounds for terminating a relationship.

It's an understandable response.

First, the reaction to a great deal of guilt seems to be:"If I make you so unhappy... if I can do nothing but wrong everytime I turn around, then perhaps you'd be better off with someone else."

If you think about the last great relationship you experienced (in love or friendship, the premise applies to both) I suspect you'll find that the other person made you feel good about yourself. You smiled, laughed, and in general enjoyed your time with this other person a great deal. We are most often in relationships with others, whether we know it or not, because of the way they make us feel. We're often drawn to those who can create for us a sense that we are worthwhile, fun, intelligent, sexy .... whatever. (We all have something in particular we are looking for, the bottom line is that it makes us feel good.)

So where does that take me with the guilt issue? Well, obviously, guilt doesn't make someone feel good. Rather the opposite. So it seems to me that the best way to get somone to do what you want them to do isn't to guilt them into it.

Make them feel good instead.

Make them feel so good they want to make you feel good.

It's a never ending reciprocation that has nothing but positive outcomes. If that's manipulation, then manipulate me.

It's beats the hell out of guilt any day.

Whining Loudly

Okay. If you read my blog, (and you probably don't, I don't think anyone does... but's that's okay) you know all about my studio. Either way, there's been an "issue" with my beloved space, and I hafta share.

For those of you who don't read the blog, about two months ago I was excited because my assistant and I decided to go out on a limb and get a studio. My mother owns some apartments and she let me one for a very reasonable rate. That gives me two large rooms for studios, a dressing room, storage space, a full bath, a kitchen, and on top of it all it is in an area of town considered to be "prime commercial" so I have easy access to customers. First thing I did was to insure my equipment, my studio, and my belongings there.

Next I went all out and bought lights, and assorted other items I needed for my studio. I haven't finished it altogether, but it's been a working studio and I have appointments and more. I have been so thrilled.

Yesterday the city had contractors work on a sewer line near the house, the the sewer backed up and flooded the entire studio with disgusting waste. Anything touching the floor or near it was soaked, and is a total loss. The city recommends a hazardous waste team come in and do a clean and destroy mission. :(

I did not carry a flood damage policy, nor did my mother. We live in the desert, and you simply don't expect floods here. The city isn't liable, and we have to prove the contractors to be at fault, which could prove tricky. I am soooo bummed.

My camera and laptop were safe, thank God. But I still feel a need to mope.

So, here I am ... whining with the best of them.

Unexpected Discoveries

Have you ever found a website by accident?

I used to more than I do these days. When I first started browsing the web I would start out looking for something specific, and end up getting distracted by all the cool sidelines. Before I knew it I had found all sorts of wonderful pages, and totally forgotten where I had wanted to go in the first place. (I'm sure my ADD was a huge help in each explorative adventure.)

I've grown a little more disciplined since then. I can generally ignore those tiny offshoots and keep my eye on the prize. But every once in awhile I stumble on something that catches my attention and "poof" I'm off again. It's not a bad thing, I enjoy my finds. It goes with my whole spontaneous thing.

Today I went to check my mail at Gmail. (Which, btw, I could write a whole entry on, I love this product. I couldn't live without it.) In my hurried self-assured way of typing I had made a mistake and typed in 'gamil" instead. (Is there such thing as "Typing Dyslexic"?) I found this very cool site: Gamil

I almost ignored the site, the primal urge to know who might have sent me an email is overpowering sometimes. But there is a small disclaimer at the bottom of the page that somehow caught my eye: "You may have arrived here by misspelling Gmail. We understand. Typing fast is not our strongest skill. We have met a lot of new friends online though and our web traffic is through the roof from visitors from all over the world. So we're putting ads here to help us pay for all the bandwidth. "

I like humor. Dry humor, sarcastic and acidic suits my tastes just fine. So I obliged them and checked out their ads. But while I was there I had a look at the site, and the company, itself.

These are cool peeps. I was there five minutes and I decided I had to own their tea infuser called the TeaStick. I love innovative people. And Gamil has impressed me on three levels.

First, they took what could be potentially devastating traffic and made humor out of it. They took the problem of too much traffic and asked visitors to click on ads to generate money to help with the extra bandwidth, and didn't whine. (Oh I hate whiners.)

Second, they have a nice, clean website that is easy to navigate, and they clearly have talent. And that talent extends to a few very cool inventions, among them the TeaStick.

Third, they used used the gmail/gamil problem to give them an opportunity to market said products. This, it seems to me is an example of the difference between getting by and becoming successful. Opportunity knocks, but not everyone hears the knocking. These guys not only opened the door, they gave opportunity the grand tour of their house.

A lot of things come to us by accident. Being prepared to take advantage of the accident is a matter of vision. I only typed badly, and I found an item I will most certainly purchase. Gamil had more than earned the business.

Makes ya rethink think marketing a little, doesn't it?

Making Magic

I love to smile.... enthusiasm powers me. While I have a fairly ordered life, spontanaity is still a part of me left over from my youth which I treasure beyond words. Nothing like an impromtu picnic, a drive to some surprise destination at the last moment with a friend or family member, or giving into an urge to do something unexpected for a dear one.

So imagine how happy I am when the love of my life, Brian, brings me little tidbits of affection from wherever he may be working for the week. I never know when to expect these things, and there is no guessing what he might present me with. he knows me well, and his gifts are as much designed to please me as to make me laugh.

He's brought me crawfish for my fish tank, seedlings for my garden, and unusual pottery because he knows the patterns will set off my imagination. A box of empty thread spools because I might like them for crafts, sweets and chocolates and a t-shirt. For Valentines day he gave me a 9mm automatic because he knows that while I don't like hnting, I love to go to a shooting range. (Let me tell you the grief he got from his friends over that one!) He brought me little snakes and scorpions, (I'm a tomboy... he knows me well) a quilt, a camera bag and a tripod he found at a garage sale. For the most part, it's not the money he's spent... the items are usually found somewhere and he just knows me well enough to know what will make me smile.

That's real magic. Real love. Better than money or any superficial show of affection. It's caring enough to get to know someone, and taking the time to think of them when it isn't always convenient.

I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Breath of Enchantment ©2006, Dawn Allynn

Studio Work

My new studio is coming along. I still have some equipment to buy and a piece of furniture or two I am yearning for. But over all it works nicely. Two studio rooms, a bathroom, a changing room, a costume closet, a kitchen, and a ton of storage and in the Nob Hill District. Not bad at all. ;)

When I have it the way I want it I will run an ad and rent it to other photographers by the day or hour. Help cover some overhead costs.

I have tried to do as many shoots as possible, but I need to step it up. I have some goals I want to meet and I need to work in a variety of shoots before fall.

Right now I have been focusing on models and fashion photography. It doesn't pay much, (yet) but it's fun and I learn a great deal as I go.

I hope to do some infant and maternity shots this month, and I have to work on my stock galleries.

Anyway, it's the end of the day and I thought I'd post a few photos I really like from this past week. Then it's home for me and some blessed sleep.


Stacy © 2006


Megan © 2006


Amy © 2006


Amy © 2006

Floating Away

I have a reputation among my family and friends for being able to solve problems and come up with creative ideas. Frequently someone will call me for advice or help with something that has stumped them. Sometimes I deserve this show of confidence, but often as not I am stumped as to why they would call me. Regardless of the reason, I find myself complimented by the show of confidence, and I all too often over-commit myself out of some sense of responsibilty.

The most recent example of this happened last month when my Unlce Fritz gave me a call.

Fritz has lived in Albuquerque since I was a small child, but he grew up in a small village called Wagon Mound.

Named Wagon Mound because the top of the butte
resembles the very top of a covered wagon as seen here:


Every year on Labor Day Wagon Mound residents celebrate Bean Day, when many of those who grew up in this diminishing village and moved away come home to enjoy comraderie, a free fare of beans and barbeque, and a small parade which is delightful in the way it is reminicent of times which otherwise seem long gone. Last year Fritz invited me to attend Bean Day with him, and I was caught up in the smiles, home town friendliness, buildings which reminded me of western towns from some old movie, and - of course - the parade. That was the best part.





So, when Uncle Fritz called me up and asked if I could help him build a float for Bean Day, more specifically, a float in the shape of the Wagon Mound itself, how could I say no?

My friend Crystal and I packed our bags Friday morning of last week and drove up to Wagon Mound the back way from my house (through the beautiful area which runs through Gallisteo) we pulled into Wagon Mound and arrived at the beautiful home of Clinton Ballard and his wife Betty Medina. Betty is a gracious hostess and was so sweet to open her home to us. We made ourselves at home in the rooms she provided, changed our clothes and had a bite to eat, and proceeded to the garage where the frame I had designed for the float waited for us.
The garage belongs to Felipe Garcia, and he opened it up for us.

Clinton had built the frame before we arrived, and had plenty of stucco wire available. Fritz had purchased the paint, the plaster, and there was a ton of paper in piles nearby. In the following five hours or so we wrapped the frame in wire, stuffed it with crumpled paper and pushed and manipulated it it into it's basic shape, and then began the process of covering it with a plaster papier mâchè. We covered it about one sixth of the way before retiring for the evening.









Back at Betty and Clinton's home we enjoyed a traditional New Mexican meal of pasole, beans, papitas and tortillas before ending our evening exhausted.

The next morning Crystal and I popped up at 6 am and went out on a photography spree (more of that later .. those pics deserve an entry of thier own) and returned by 8:45 in time for a quick breakfast and then it was back to work.

This time the group from the day before was joined by Adonilia Menzor, Edna Mae and Amadeo Gallegos, and Raquel Encinias. The extra hands upped the pace and the float began to take on the shape and form of the Wagon Mound. By 3:30 we were worn out, but had pretty much finished the papier mâchè part and were applying the last coat of plaster. Betty and some of the others agreed to work on the final plastering and perhaps some of the basic paint coating before I return in about two weeks to do the actual detail paintwork which will finish the float.












It was a long two days, but rewarding. :)

Crystal and I went home by way of a long drive up into Mora and down through Las Vegas (the NM version) and back home the way we had come. It took me two days to get over the aches and pains of the weekend, but the satisfaction is palpable.

So, one more trip to finish the float, and then it's back for Bean Day to see our creation waddle down the streets of Wagon Mound. :)

Floating Away :)

Cooking up alternatives...

So, time have been hard lately. Nothing new, times are always hard financially, and when you have a family of seven that comes as no surprise. We thought that having Logan and Keri, our two oldest, go to work would change the burden, but it didn't really. Between the cost of skyrocketing fuel and the long 45 minute drive to work daily, and other prices rising we seem to be falling behaind rather than catching up.

This is life.

But I found it funny this past Saturday because of something I caught myself saying.

You see, we haven't had propane since last February, because we just can't afford it. (We have a large tank, and it is several bundred dollars to fill it up.) We managed the chill of the house fairly well until summer came, so now we don't need it for heat anymore. And we have an electric water heater and a microwave, so we've been doing okay.

Most days I eat in town, usually salads because the the heat (salads are so refreashing in the swealtering heat) and the cost of fast food. But the other day I was at the grocery store and I decided to spring for a TV dinner, and I caught myself refering to it as "real food". What I meant was that I wanted meat and veggies, and I wanted them hot. Real food has come to mean a complete meal that can't be classifed as a side dish. Once upon a time, real food was stuff that wasn't pre-made or frozen. Healthy foods that take time and effort to create. Dinners that bring everyone to the table in excitement, where we can have family time.

Don't get me wrong, I still make meals. I have an assortment of kitchen wonders that enable me to cook "better" food. It's just not as easy to whip up a fantastic meal with a electric skillet, a toaster over, and a microwave.

So, in a sense, because of the price of fuel, TV dinners have become a replacement ... and we seem to have grown distant as a family in many ways as well. Funny how things have a chain reaction.

We've got plans to fill the tank in a couple of weeks. So I'll have a stove again, for awhile at least. But it's been an eye opener.

Back to the Blog

I've been away for awhile. I have come to the conclussion that this is part of my life, and that I can't count on things rolling along blithely or on time.

This is okay, for me anyway, I just have to acknowledge it. Makes my life easier when I don't over commit.

As always, photography has taken the drivers seat. I have a studio now, and the pace has picked up quite a bit. My photography is improving, my circle widening.

My health has been an issue, we thought for several months that I had cancer, and that scared the bejesus out of me. Happy day... I am just getting old. ;)

Life changes, it's a good thing. I recognize it, andI am working on flowing with it.

I am coming back to my blogs, I miss writing. Don't expect a great deal of depth from me, I am going to shoot from the hop and what you get will be what you get. :)

It's good to be here again :)

Sometimes places seem lonely, but they really aren't. :)
A place in your life that may feel deserted may actually be an opportunity.Peaceful, wide open, nothing but imagination.

Grumbling with a smile :)

So, let me tell you a little about how things are going on here lately. It's kinda one of those things where I think, "how lucky I am" one second, and the next I am thanking, "Oh my lord, can it get worse?".

I have been trying to get my photography business off the ground, and it has been going well, with the exception of not having enough time, having illnesses that slay me, customers who don't show up, shoots that go wrong and no studio.

Seriously. Last month it was a retro-virus that made it difficult to touch or hold anything. This month it is migraines that make me physically ill.

I am, however, doing better. My reputation is starting to get me fairly constant business, and some of my personal projects are really taking off. I have some projects I hope to send to a publisher next year, and it is finally starting to look possible. So, I tell myself daily that the stumbling blocks are challenges, and that I just need to put one foot in front of the other, because eventually it will pay off.

This, my friends, is optimism.

My kids are doing well. By this I mean we are happy, close, and have lotsa hope. Because I am in the process of contacting a lawyer to sue one school, I have another child who needs an after school program I can't find nor provide, and we are currently living in a home with no heat (no propane) and no water (turned off yesterday). We get internet access at my work, (day job where I am office manager) and very little else in the way of extras.

My oldest boy starts a job this weekend, and that will help. Hopefully some of my photo shoots will bring in enough to make ends meet. This has just been an expensive winter. Yet, I think how lucky we are to have cars, a house we aren't losing to bankruptcy, a family who loves one another, enough to eat, and our health.

Someone I care about a great deal is expected to pass away tomorrow or tonight from cancer. It is hard to say goodbye, but he's ready to go. He reminds me that what you have today is better than anything you can hope for tomorrow. Who can complain in the face of that.

I spend a lot of time on the internet. It's time away from things I can't solve, smiles in the face of adversity. Creativity and accomplishment when I feel stuck or in a rut.

Thanks to all my friends out there who let me be myself and don't begrudge me my wacko personality. I love you. :)

Grateful

I saw this photo and the first thought I had was "OMG.... who'd buy that thing?" My second thought was... well, that I would have just a few lonely years ago.



Being lonely isn't funny, though the props may certainly be. I can laugh at it now. Hell, I laughed at then quite often, but lonely was hard on me.

I spend a lot of alone these days, Brian works out of town about 20 days out of thirty. But thanks to how secure I feel in our relationship, and the fact that I have learned to enjoy my own company more than ever, I don't ache the way I used to all night long.

So, I am grateful. Thought I'd make a note of it and share. ;)

Magnet Poetry

I did some poems today for The Poetry Dance Hall, we're doing magnet poetry over there. I thought I'd spread 'em out over my various blogs so I could share 'em with all my friends.

Here's one of them:



It isn't as easy as it looks.... but it's fun! Try it if you like, and post them in your own blog!

I did this one at: Magnetic Poetry

The Skunk

For those of you who keep up with my blog (It's not that it's hard to keep up with... I never write in it much anymore because of the photograhy business, it's more or less boring these days) you may remember I mentioned a skunk under the building I work in.

The skunk was caught, and released, and my office now smells almost normal.

I thought I'd take a moment to share some pics. :)

Traveling is Good

This is a sketch I did when I used to live in Sicily. My husband was stationed there, this was after I had already gotten out of the Navy myself, and my son and I went there with him. It was a fabulous three years. I learned Italian, learned to cook the wonderful food, learned a lot of wonderful things. It made me appreciate a lot of things I hadn't before (like the price of American fuel, and having things like a washer and dryer and telephone in my home) and gave me a taste for things I hadn't had here (I miss the way everyone sat outside at night at talked to their neighbors, and outdoor mercados).

I want travel for my children. I love them and would miss them if they left (I miss them when they are gone for the night, much less living somewhere else) but as a parent I want what is best for them. And I truly believe that seeing more of the world you live in helps you grow and learn in a way nothing else can. We are more than a product of the neighborhood we grow up in.

I have family members that have encouraged their children not to go away on trips because it would be too far away. They managed to keep their family close to them, but at what cost?

My oldest boy, Logan, wants to go to Japan. He'd like to learn the language and the culture. If I could secure him a spot at a University there I would let him go tomorrow. It'd break my heart to say goodbye, but I'd be joyful at the prospect that he'd have that opportunity.

Aside from the fact that he'd get to see and do things, he'd have the opportunity to hear the views of others beyond his own borders and let them get to know him and his own values. We had a wonderful exchange student last summer from France, Aude. She loved it here so much she has a journal she calls I love America. How nice it would be if we could have more interaction with others and they could come away with that sentiment. My friends don't like me because I live in the same city or neighborhood. They like me because they got to know me, and vice-versa.

Travel also has the added bonus of opening your mind for possibilities. I think if my kids travel they'll come away with the sense that nothing is beyond their reach, be it another shoreline, or a career they wish to pursue. I can't think of a better lesson to teach them :)

Ewwww Du Toilette

I work semi-full time for a construction company as an Office Manager. Sometime several months ago we noticed a very icky odor coming from the bathroom area, which happens to be on one of the corners of the building. I assumed it was a plumbing issue, gases or something.

It smelled a lot like skunk, but we'd seen no skunk and have a concrete foundation, so I attributed the odor to bad construction and we've been trying to figure out how to overcome the disgusting smell.

It has only grown worse. AND since the warm summer months have flown by and the air has grown chilly, I have had to start shutting the doors to keep warm, inadvertently enclosing the smell in too.

In the last six weeks the insidious smell began to show up in my office, and in my closet. Not all the time, the smell is worse off and on, and almost non-existent at other times.

We finally decided it was a skunk, and have been making plans to get our hands on a trap or something. (We found a hole burrowed under the building, though we have yet to actually see the culprit.)

I wasn't in a hurry, I had semi grown used to the smell, and didn't know what other course to take than to hope fate would figure out a solution.

However, yesterday as I visited a client of mine (discussing photos they were to buy for their offices) someone noted out loud that they could smell skunk.

I froze, and tried to strangle the wail I wanted to make firmly in my throat before it could escape. Unsure if my fears were correct, I went to my sister shortly after and asked her to smell me.

Sure enough, I smelled of skunk.

She assured me it was mild and not too horrible. Needless to say I didn't feel a bit better.

Mortified I slunk back to my offices and called around until I found a city agency that would lend me a skunk trap.

No luck yet, the office is still as perfumed as it was yesterday, and because of it I will be going nowhere until I can go home and bathe and change.

I am still horrified. But this is how my life works, seriously.

Have I told you about my luck lately? It stinks.

Lyrics

Part of what spurred me to write that last entry was the way I feel this Christmas. Sad that so much has changed for me, and all that I can't share with my kids.

I know I can make it what I need it to be with the right attitude, and this beautiful song on my blog (below) by Faith Hill says it all splendidly.

For those of you who have interest, here are the words:

"Where Are You Christmas"

...

Where are you Christmas

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

Where is the laughter

You used to bring me

Why can't I hear music play

...

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

..

Where are you Christmas

Do you remember

The one you used to know

I'm not the same one

See what the time's done

Is that why you have let me go

...

Christmas is here

Everywhere, oh

Christmas is here

If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

...

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

...

Where are you Christmas

Fill your heart with love

...

Confessions

I remember when I first realized I was parenting for everyone else but my children.

Doing what other people expected me to do because I was unsure of my own parenting skills, or afraid of what they might say if they disapproved of my own methods.

This led to some moments I am ashamed of. I am a good parent, and I don't have to allow other peoples opinions or beliefs change what I know is right for my children and me. I finally learned, but sometimes I wished I had learned earlier.

Like all things, I tend to not learn from my mistakes. It would be nice if I could take an experience and the lesson learned, and apply it toward another part of my life. But alas, I am a rock.

I have a confession.

I have been afraid to talk about the fact that I am a Christian.

Afraid that if I did that many of the people who I enjoy through reciprocated visits in blogs and journals and websites will be offended and not visit me anymore.

I am ashamed that I set my own beliefs aside because I hoped to have friends. The truth is that real friends will accept me even if they don't care for my beliefs, just as I do for them. I had forgotten this truth. It took me years to figure this out... elementary school was a nightmare for me, trying to make friends with kids who were too self-centered to be kind. Me trying to be what I wasn't for the sake of acceptance.

Acceptance isn't worth selling yourself out for.

So here it is. I am a Christian.

A hard-core, old fashioned Bible-thumping, God-worshipping, believer-of-Jesus girl.

I am proud of my beliefs. I don't press them on others, unless invited to do so. But neither should I have to hide them because someone else finds them offensive. I grew up in a world my children will never see. A world where cursing was unacceptable on television or radio, where porn and sex didn't belong in public, where Christmas was a time for celebration and good will toward all men and women, (Oh how I miss the decorations downtown and in the store windows! It was so cheerful!) and a time when respecting others was a good thing.

No, this doesn’t mean that I think if someone isn't Christian they are not good people. It doesn't mean I don't respect the religious beliefs of others (or lack thereof) and their rights to practice their own beliefs. It just means that I think there are a lot of people out there who hate religion, and Christians in particular, and have declared war on anything they don't like. The ACLU has wandered far past protecting the rights of others and charged into the practice of tramping over anything anyone wants to complain about.

My son claims to be an atheist and even he thinks it is all ridiculous. The other day he said, "Pretty soon it is going to be like we are in some Orson Wells book, everyone taking medication so we won't have any emotions and won't accidentally say or do anything to hurt anyone else’s feelings!"

Ah, anyway. Agree with me, or don't agree with me. Don't visit my blog anymore if you find me offensive.

It's okay.

I have a right to be myself, and who I am includes an undeniable part of me who loves God and is proud to be part of a wonderful group of people who call themselves Christian.

For those of you who will visit me anyway, thanks.

It's good to have real friends

Road Trip

I am driving to Roswell tomorrow. Depending on who you are it is either the site of where Aliens landed (and possibly still hang with the locals) or the dairy capital of the Southwest. (The governing body of Roswell doesn't care for the Alien thing... think they are in denial?)

Either way it is a long drive with little to see between. I am on my way to pick up my cousin and childhood playmate, Nicky. She lives there with her husband and his family, and is coming home to Albuquerque to be with family here during the holiday. Instead of her hopping a Greyhound I opted to have some one on one time with her.

I am taking my camera. I am not sure why. Perhaps I am hoping I will see some lone tumbleweed which has some characteristic that might make me famous. Or better yet... an alien. (Though the only type of alien I think I might find is the kind that comes from Mexico.)

No radio between here anbd there, so I will have plenty of time to ponder and create stuff in my head. That in itself is scary.

Roswell.

:)

Not that Cold Yet

Nope. It hasn't snowed here yet. This was last year, and at the time I loved it.

This year propane is ridiculously high and I can't afford to get the tank filled, so I worry. We certainly won't freeze, but that doesn't mean that comfort is in my future.

I had a friend once who would have griped at me that comfort is way too high a priority in my life. But ya know, I am forty now, and my bones already complain when it is warm. Imagining getting out of bed in a room that is below 30 degrees makes me wanna cry.

Call me a baby, but I am not repenting.

Reflections

Photo by Dawn Allynn

I just realized something. I thought I was bothered by this whole AOL thing, but I am not. Not for myself anyway.

My concern about what is going on with the ads bothers me because it is effecting the people I care about who journal in AOL, I know some people who are really bummed and dragged down by this whole thing. I know there was a time it would have floored me as well, so I can understand the reaction. As a loyal AOL Member for ... dang ... eleven years, I had a lot of emotional stuff vested in AOL for a long time. So I empathize with my friends, and hate to see the impact it is having on some of my buddies.

But for myself, I cannot say that this is a bad thing.

When I first came to AOL I was into Chat rooms, and role playing. After awhile the chat rooms became crude and the people in them were immature. AOL had decided to get rid of the chat room moderators, so people who like to start trouble had nothing to fear. Role playing was also invaded by the immature crude crowd who liked to jump in and start arguments for the sake of it. (Called flamers... it is best to ignore these guys, but not always easy to do.)

Later I belonged to "lists" where I traded graphics and tutorials and poetry and recipes with like minded people. Made lotsa fun friends. That was great for awhile, but like everything else, gets old after awhile. I only have so much room on my computer for all the cool stuff people can send me, and four hundred emails a day can grow tiresome.

Then I began participating in Forums... mostly the short story and poetry contests. That was a real highlight for awhile. But again, AOL decided to cut back and get rid of moderators, so the whole thing kinda went away.

I discovered journals about three years ago, and though I considered outside blogs, I decided to stick with AOL and go that route. I have been bothered by the fact that I am a paying customer, yet non-AOL customers could have journals for free. Now they are advertising on my journal.

At the prices I have paid for AOL it just isn't worth all of this frustration. Besides the constant cut backs and changes, I am always having posting issues, email that won't send or save, graphics that won't save in the right format. Billing issues, nasty customer service guys I can't understand on the phone, and software that frankly screws my computer up more with each upgrade.

I like these journals. I like the ability to manipulate HTML, and add photos easier, and have more of a say so about what goes in it and how it will look and sound and feel. I like that I have a wider group of people I can meet and who can visit and post. It's a challenge and an opportunity, and I am excited about it.

I am concerned I will end up here alone.

Yeah, that's true. Maybe I'll write here day after day and nobody will come visit, and that would be sad. But I have to think maybe I have made enough friends that this won't happen. And Lord knows there's lots of great new people out there I am looking forward to meeting.

In any case, I have never been the kind of girl to settle, and I was settling at AOL.

This will be good for me, I believe. Moving into any new home and neighborhood is scary.... but it always involves new doorways and new opportunities.

::grins:: I think maybe I'll have a housewarming after the holidays...lol. Anyone wanna come?

Busy Week

Photo by Dawn Allynn

I have been working on so much this week... wow... is it a wonder I have time to breathe?

I just got finished updating my new home for the Poetry Dance Hall, and I am still trying to move my other journals over to here. The money I will save leaving AOL will be nice. It's been a move that's been a long time coming, my journals were the last string holding me there.

I have been a member of AOL since 1994. Very odd to think of leaving now. But so much has changed. It's like living in the house you grew up in, except now there's a Mall and a Highway in your front yard, half of your friends moved away, and the property taxes went through the roof. Hard to keep investing in the same real estate when there's better looking housing just down the road.

::sigh:: Ah, everything changes, eh?

Other than the blogs, I have also been trying to catch up at work (not likely if I keep up this blogging) because I only work two days this week.

I also have a sick kiddo with me today. Poor little guy.

Getting ready to do Christmas Portraits for Customers this weekend and am trying to finish up the Gingerbread house backdrop I am creating for the photos.

Driving to Roswell Wednesday to pick up my cousin and bring her to town for the holiday.

Cleaning the disaster my house has become while I lay in bed off and on in the past two weeks with the flu.

Finishing up two websites I am creating for two customers which need to be done by the first of January.

And there's more... but I am just making myself anxious now...lol!

I am hoping to get this done and catch up with all my other journaling and blogging buddies out there. If one is you... drop me a line and lemme know where you're at so I can keep up with who I am supposed to visit where!

Insanity and heartache

I have been very low today.

An acquaintence of mine died yesterday, and his wife is in the hospital. Both shot during a break in by some people, for God knows why. He was a good guy. I mean, a really nice guy. Neither of them deserved this.

My heart is heavy. :(

RJ Schaefer
1938-2005

In the Beginning

So.

This is how it ends.

Photo by Dawn Allynn

And this is how it starts.

Everything before this entry was a post in an AOl journal. I transfered it over here because

I don't like the invasion of advertising AOL did with out asking me as because the blogs I am doing suit me better, and will save me money ( I am leaving AOL entirely in January) if you get a minute have a peek at the first one and leave a comment :) I'd be much obliged.

Making Adobe Photoshop Brushes

I love Adobe Photoshop. I have PSP but am not great with it, because I haven't spent as much time in it. I need to learn more of it because I have so much great stuff for it. I like Photoshop for doing things to photos, and I love it for graphics. I recently learned how to create my own brushes in Photoshop using scanned items and photographs. Here's some of my brushes and why I love them:

These are some of my "Birdstuff" Brushes. The collection isn't done yet... but I am having fun with it so far.



Using Layer options and style in Photoshop I enjoy changing the colors on my "brushes"... sometimes creating stand-alone graphics.


I use the brushes to make tags, sign photographs, put watermarks on photos and graphics, make art projects, and (of course!) to do cool thngs to photos. This is a mix of just brushes:


Anyway.... this is just stuff. :) Exciting to me, but all of my obsessions are.

I am NOT gonna start a new journal right now. But if anyone is interested in learning editing tips and tutorials, and exchanging brushes or anything, let me know and we can do it all here. Because ya know... it's all just Drivel! LOL!

(This next item... btw... is another obesssion. A poem type (Nonets) we're doing the next couple of weeks over at my blog Poetry Dance)

Photoshop is really fun for me.
I make stuff I don't have time for.
Who needs time? I am obsessed.
I dream in Photoshop.
I should see a shrink,
Do you know one
who might be
in J-
Land?

Reading

Some one sent me this in an email... you have probably seen it. It is worth sharing in case you haven't. :)


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Nutz

I'm nutz. Simply dingy. I have no time to myself. I am constantly overwhelmed and overworked. Yet I always volunteer to do one more thing I don't have time for. Or take up one more project I can't possibly commit to.

Crazy.

I am an over organized individual who likes everyhting in it's own place. I won't get into the borderline OCD issues I have... but they are there.

Proof of it lies in my journals, if you need proof.

I have many journals. Too many. One for photos. One for New Mexico. One for poems. One for my short stories. One for my blathering drivel (yeah, this one). One for a poetry group. One to keep in touch with old friends. And so on and so forth. It's rediculous. Like I can't do it all in one journal. Right?

Except I can't. I have to have it all sorted out nicely and organized. Heh. Fruity.
And if I needed proof it is nutz... then the urge I had today to start a new one should get me committed. Like I have time. Pffft!

I love Adobe Photoshop and Correl Draw and PSP. I love gradients, and styles, and masks and brushes. I like collecting and making and trading all of the above. So I thought...."Hey! I'll make a journal where I can exchange this stuff and have tutorials!" Like I said. Wacko.
No more. I am putting my foot down. I am gonna just have to fit something else into this journal. I amy not have time, but I already have the space. No point in making another journal. Sharing some graphic stuff now and then won't make this journal explode.

This stuff can be classified as drivel too, can't it?