Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Who I am in Black and White

I had ideas of what I wanted to do for this weeks Round Robin Challenge, but (of course) things happened and none of the projects or photos I hoped to do panned out. So, I went through my exisiting photos to see if there was one, maybe, that would fit the theme of "Who I am in Black and White."

Well, this one is certainly Black and White. And it IS me. And, yeah, there are elements of it which are exactly who I am.

I am someone who often puts up a mask. Sometimes it is a smile when I am crying inside. Sometimes it is one of bravery when I feel very frightened. The truth of who I am is that I do not like for anyone to see me as frail, needy, or unhappy. Often this is a good thing, because I find that the mask often helps me to actually feel the way I am pretending to feel. (How's the quote go? Fake it 'til ya make it?) Sometimes, though, I just feel lonely, sad or scared behind a mask I chose to wear.

I am also someone who is very creative. I love to paint, write, draw, whatever. I love to invent. Inventing myself, or reinventing myself, is dang near a hobby.
I am also one who likes to dream. Awake or asleep I enjoy the hope and vision dreams bring me.

And, deny it though I may, there is an element of darkness about me. I used to roleplay in games, and I always chose the wicked character. I tend to think it's because I play a good guy in life all the time. I also think it comes from feeling like I get stepped on sometimes. (Wanna see wicked? Watch me flip out when someone treats me badly in public... ohboy.)

Oh, there's more. Lot's more. I can imagine sitting here writing for the next six hours about all the things that this photo says about me, light and dark. But perhaps the most important thing I can say about myself that this photo doesn't... what I would have liked to share if I'd taken another photo, is that I am someone who is glad to be alive. Thrilled to be able to express myself. And greatful to have so many loved ones around me in the journey. :)

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