Here's a few jokes I thought were pretty good, and a wish that your All Hallow's Eve full of spooky fun :)
Repeat Performance
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as
'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few
minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back
three more times tonight too."
Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
Halloween Costume - IRS Agent
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it. Here stands this
plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like for
Halloween. The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes
28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.
Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
The Devil
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as
'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few
minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back
three more times tonight too."
Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
Halloween Costume - IRS Agent
The door bell, rings, and a man answers it. Here stands this
plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like for
Halloween. The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes
28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.
Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear a Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
The Devil
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
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